It's a perspective, isn't it?

Apparently, Narborough train station is 'literally' behind the Londis shop over the road from Workplace* House, according to Debbie*. I asked, 'Would that be a neurotypical literal or an autistic literal literal? She insisted, No, literally and waved her arms in all the right directions. The bingo wings followed some time later and continued to do so for quite a while. One of the many things 'life' has taught me is 'literal' means one thing in Autism world and another in Neurotypical world. For instance, describing someone as 'literally throwing their guts up' or 'literally shagging for England' is probably inaccurate. This theory was reaffirmed today after I cycled to the area office to work a shift in daycare. I say 'cycled'. From where I live, that would have meant a very early start so it was 'literally' from home to train station and train station destination to Workplace* House. Debbie* did insist her description of the location of Narborough station was accurate, it later transpired to have merely been a neurotypical literal. The difference between the two literals is the neurotypical, or non autistic, literal lies in its vagueness. In other words, they don't mean it. I have just overheard James May, in an old episode of Top Gear saying they were 'literally breaking records'. I pictured a fair few old and broken vinyl albums lying crushed on the race track. The autistic literal, on the other hand, tends to be absolute.

Debbie's* neurotypical literal was uncovered when I fell off my bike. I left Workplace* House and headed off for central Leicester and the train station, which was about 7 miles, or 35 minutes cycle ride away. The road had recently been surface dressed and was covered in loose gravel. In an attempt to manouvre from the road to the cycle path, I skidded on a thick layer of gravel, went head first over the handlebars and landed on the grass verge, closely followed by my bicycle. Rather like one of James May's broken records, perhaps. It then became a real life 'Good Samaritan' story as a motorcyclist making a rude gesture rode past and one or two motorists slowed down and, through open car windows asked if I was alright. They drove away after hearing I was fine, thanks. One, however, pulled into an adjacent driveway and insisted on helping. Now, if I'd dusted away all the embossed gritty bits and quickly checked my bike for damage, I would have made the 16.35 train from Leicester to home. Just about. But Mr Good Samaritan had better and more noble ideas and was undeterred by any promises of fine-ness from me. He had the back seats down in no time at all and was trying to fold my unyeilding commuter mountain bike into the back of his silver Ford Ka. Would I be able to get in the front seat, he asked. I did, and discovered the reason for his helpfulness: there was a little blue book called 'Holy Bible' in his door pocket and it crossed my mind he could be about to deliver me to a nearby inn and leave the landlord with enough money to pay for a comfortable recuperation and adequate medical care. Fortunately not, but he did drive me to Narborough train station. This is when I discovered the non literality of Debbie's* literal. It was well beyond the back of the Londis shop. He suggested I try to ticket office door while he got my bike out of the Ka. It was closed. He 'helped' me to the platform and left me in the 'care' of a very short, slightly built woman in a brown anorak who promised to look after me. She may well have said she would talk me to death, but in the neurotypical sense. The next train to Leicester was 40 minutes away and well beyond any possibility of catching the 16.35. Mr Good Samaritan reappeared on the platform waving a mobile phone above his head and asked if there was anyone I'd like to ring. I said no, thanks, I had my own phone and really wanted to shout STOP TRYING TO HELP but resisted. The only way to escape from exceptionally talkative woman was to ride into Leicester. I hit the road, but not quite in the same way as I had done fifteen minutes or so earlier. I made it to the station with literally minutes to spare. *names have been changed